Understanding and Supporting Your Daughter with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

bpd chil.sd

Does your daughter suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD)?  Having a daughter with BPD not only affects her but also has an impact on you and everyone who cares about her. Women with BPD often struggle with controlling their emotions and behavior, which can place a heavy burden on parents, partners, family members, and friends.

Parents of children with BPD often share numerous stories of instances where their daughter appeared to be improving or taking on more responsibilities, only to suddenly experience a crisis. This pattern of improvement and relapse can be confusing and frustrating for parents and loved ones.

What you need to know about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Parenting a child with BPD can be particularly challenging because individuals with BPD often struggle with relationships, especially with those closest to them. The angry outbursts, volatile mood swings, self-mutilation, episodes of overeating, chronic fears of abandonment, suicide attempts, and other impulsive and irrational behaviors can leave parents feeling helpless and off balance. It’s important to note that your daughter does not need to exhibit all of these symptoms to have BPD.

Parents, family members, and friends of individuals diagnosed with BPD often describe it as an endless emotional roller coaster. If you suspect that your daughter has BPD, there are steps you can take to establish healthy boundaries, improve communication, and stabilize your relationship with her.

One of the challenges in dealing with your daughter is that individuals with BPD commonly struggle to acknowledge their problem. If your daughter falls into this category, it is essential to offer support while understanding that the situation is not your fault.

Learning all you can about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Educating yourself about BPD is crucial. If your daughter has BPD, it is important to recognize that she has a personality disorder, and it is not something you are causing.  Destructive, self-harming, and hurtful behaviors are reactions to emotional pain associated with BPD. Remember, it is not about you, and it is not your fault. When your daughter says hurtful things, it is best to understand that this behavior is not always deliberate.

By learning about BPD, you will gain insight into the condition and better equip yourself to handle difficulties constructively. Understanding what you are dealing with and what she is going through can make a significant difference.

Some helpful resources:

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) information on BPD
BPD Central

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Identifying the signs and symptoms of BPD is not always easy. However, people who have a close relationship with someone suffering from BPD often sense that something is amiss, even if they are unsure of what it is. Receiving a diagnosis can provide understanding and relief, offering a sense of hope.

If your daughter has BPD, she may be highly sensitive, and small things can trigger intense and sudden reactions or rage. These reactions might occur when you set boundaries or say no. Borderlines often struggle to calm themselves in healthy ways and may engage in inappropriate or dangerous behaviors or say hurtful things. They may appear on the verge of falling apart but quickly return to a state of normalcy when they get what they want. This emotional volatility can cause stress and strain in relationships and create confusion for parents, family members, and friends.

Unfortunately, borderlines can be hypercritical, and you may find yourself being unfairly blamed for things you did not do. Borderlines tend to view the world in black and white, labeling you as either all good or all bad. There is no middle ground.

The health benefits and risks of pet ownership

From Harvard Health Publishing

February 19, 2016

They’re cute, cuddly, and loving, but dogs and cats aren’t always appropriate for older adults.

health benefits of owning a pet

There’s a reason dogs are dubbed man’s best friend. Dogs—and cats, too—make wonderful companions and provide many emotional and physical benefits. “I’m a believer in the beneficial effects of having a pet, and I’m impressed with the ability of dogs in particular to form bonds with human beings. I think the science is starting to support their special ability to do that,” says psychiatrist Dr. Greg Fricchione, director of the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine. However, there are a number of considerations to mull over before adding a pet to your household.


The most obvious benefits of pet ownership are love and companionship. “We do best medically and emotionally when we feel securely attached to another, because we’re mammals and that’s the way we’ve evolved,” says Dr. Fricchione. He points out that we feel especially secure with dogs and cats because of the unconditional love they provide. “No matter what you do or say, your dog or cat accepts you and is attached to you,” says Dr. Fricchione. Taking care of a dog or a cat can provide a sense of purpose and a feeling of validation when you wake up or come home and there’s someone who’s happy to see you.

The emotional benefits of having a pet can translate into physiological ones as well. “When you feel securely attached to this living being, there are biological brain effects that reduce stress response, so it may affect your breathing rate or blood pressure or oxygen consumption or anxiety level,” says Dr. Fricchione. “There was even a recent study in the journal Science about how oxytocin is boosted in both the dog and the human when a dog owner stares into eyes of the dog. That’s really fascinating.” Oxytocin is one of the body’s “feel good” chemicals and also plays a role in social bonding.

Other physical benefits of owning a dog or a cat come from the activity necessary to take care of it, such as playing with the animal or taking it for a walk. And there can be social benefits of dog walking if you meet other people along the way.


risks of owning a dog

It’s not always easy caring for pets, however, and sometimes having them in the home poses health hazards for older adults. “If you have problems with gait and stability and your pet can get under your feet or jump up and knock you over, then falls and broken bones are a real danger,” says Dr. Fricchione.

There are also sanitary risks associated with pet ownership. Animals can carry parasites that can be transferred to humans. Cats in particular carry a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii, which can get into your brain and cause a condition known as toxoplasmosis. People with compromised immune systems are especially vulnerable to this. Animal feces carry all kinds of bacteria that can make you sick. Dogs and cats can also cause allergic reactions in some pet owners.

What you can do

Before getting a pet, consider if you’re physically and mentally able to care for it. Do you have the memory skills to remember to feed the animal? Do you have the energy, strength, and mobility to feed it, play with it, clean up after it, and, in the case of dogs, take it for daily walks? Do you have the financial means to pay for pet food, grooming, and visits to the veterinarian? The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports the average pet owner spends about $500 per year on a pet, although estimates from other organizations put annual expenses as high as $1,600 per year.

If you feel you have the physical, mental, and financial means to care for a pet, take the pet’s size into consideration—not too big and not too small. Avoid puppies, which require a great deal of training, time, and energy—just like having a new baby. And consider the animal’s personality. “You don’t want a dog that will bark all night or have a lot of separation anxiety if you leave the house,” says Dr. Fricchione.

Where to turn for a pet? Dr. Fricchione recommends taking a veterinarian or a professional breeder along with you to a shelter: “The expert will be able to size up which animals have the best chance of developing into a mellow companion.”

Unlocking the Healing Power of EMDR: How This Groundbreaking Therapy is Helping Individuals Overcome Trauma


Written By Barry Herbach

I have been doing EMDR therapy for over 20 years, it’s the reason that I decided to dedicate my life to being a therapist. Before I learned how to do EMDR, I was frustrated with the limitations of talk therapy. EMDR allowed me to work much faster and see very quick results. Instead of patients taking years to get better it took months and sometimes weeks. I still see the benefits of talk therapy, but I always try to incorporate EMDR when I can.  

 What is EMDR 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a type of therapy that has been gaining recognition in recent years. The therapy involves a series of guided eye movements while the patient recalls traumatic experiences, with the goal of reducing distress and reprocessing traumatic memories. EMDR can be conducted via zoom, making it a convenient and an effective option for those who prefer to receive therapy from the safety and comfort of their own homes. 

 Unprocessed trauma in the brain can lead to various mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and PTSD. Therefore, addressing traumatic experiences and processing them is crucial to prevent long-term negative effects on mental health. EMDR can be a helpful therapy for individuals struggling with trauma and its associated mental health conditions. EMDR aims to help individuals process and integrate traumatic memories, thereby reducing the distress associated with them and improving overall well-being. 

 Research has shown that EMDR can be an effective treatment for various psychological disorders, including PTSD, anxiety, depression, and phobias. It has also been found to be effective for patients who were suffering from unresolved grief and guilt. EMDR can be helpful not only for individuals who have experienced a single traumatic event but also for those who have experienced complex trauma, such as childhood abuse or neglect. It can help address the various layers of trauma that may be present.  

Example of how Reprocessing works 

I have found that when people experience trauma, they often create faulty narratives about their issues. This is one reason talk therapy may have a poor success rate when dealing with trauma. Patients come to see therapists with the wrong narrative, and these are the issues that get addressed and get worked on. But what if the therapist and patient are working on the wrong issue? 

For example, I worked with a war veteran who had not had a good night’s sleep in over 20 years. He felt so unsafe he slept with a flashlight every night. He also suffered from depression. As we conducted EMDR therapy, he recalled two instances when he had almost faced death. While re-experiencing these events, it was as if my office lit up, and his depression seemed to vanish. He reexperienced the event with excitement and detail. He described hanging off a ship while avoiding gun fire. He was proud and excited how he escaped death. He described in detail and with excitement how he felt alive. What became clear was that he craved the feeling of danger, as it made him feel alive. Once we identified his real issue, we were able to work on finding alternative ways for him to feel alive. After just one EMDR session, he experienced his first night of restful sleep and no longer needed his flashlight. 

 For twenty years, this man had been focusing on feeling safe in therapy, only to become more depressed. By addressing the correct underlying issue, we were able to make a breakthrough and improve his well-being. 

 How Desensitization works 

During an EMDR session, the patient focused on a memory of a friend dying in his arms while following and focusing on an object with his eyes. As the session progressed, the perception of that traumatic memory began to change, and the unpleasant feelings and negative thinking associated with the memory faded. This result was a feeling of closure and a decrease in emotional intensity.  The war vet not only reprocessed the memory, but the memory no longer haunted him. He remembered the event, but he no longer felt the charge. 


EMDR is a psychotherapy technique that is an effective treatment for a range of psychological disorders. While the underlying mechanisms of the therapy are still being investigated, research has shown that EMDR helps patients process and integrate traumatic experiences more effectively, reducing distress and improving overall well-being. Despite some criticisms, EMDR remains a popular and effective therapeutic option for those struggling with trauma-related symptoms. 


Beyond the Self: The Transformative Power of a Higher Power in Psychotherapy

Written by Barry Herbach, LCSW

Americans are searching for a sense of purpose and belonging that they are lacking, which creates a void that is never truly filled. People may try to alleviate this feeling by purchasing new items or finding love, but these solutions are often temporary and can lead to financial difficulties, as evidenced by the current credit card crisis. Furthermore, the high rate of divorce suggests that these actions do not ultimately solve the underlying issue.

One solution to this problem is to develop a personal relationship with a higher power, referred to as G-d in this context. This relationship can help fill the void and provide a sense of belonging and homecoming. It is important to note that G-d can be understood in many ways, and the nature of this relationship will vary from person to person.

Overall, Americans are experiencing a deep need for purpose and belonging. While material possessions and relationships may provide temporary relief, a personal relationship with a higher power can offer a more lasting solution.

 “As Western medicine begins to incorporate a more holistic approach, we in mental health must recognize the necessity of identifying and honoring our patients’ strengths. Spirituality is what many people call upon when first encountering health concerns. Wanting to understand this relationship, major healthcare institutions–including those at Johns Hopkins and Harvard, as well as Sheppard Pratt–have begun to sponsor conferences on Spirituality and health”.

Martin, Marilyn. “Bridging the mental health/spirituality divide: appropriate spiritual interventions can aid therapists.” Behavioral Health Management, November 1, 2003

Psychotherapists should collaborate with their clients’ beliefs rather than compete with them. While I have a strong spiritual foundation due to experiences in my youth, it is not appropriate for therapists to impose religion or beliefs about G-d. Instead, it is essential to acknowledge and respect any pre-existing spiritual relationships that a client may have.

Spiritual faith is a significant aspect of the human experience and can enhance one’s life. It is the personal relationship with G-d that matters, not the specific religion or language used to communicate with G-d. Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and other religions are all valid means of conversing with G-d. However, it is crucial to distinguish between the language and the relationship, as Jesus taught.

Therapists should collaborate with clients’ spiritual beliefs and not try to push any specific religion or belief system. Recognizing and respecting the personal relationship that clients may have with a higher power is essential, regardless of the specific language or religion used to communicate.

 “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

Matthew 6:6-8

I believe that one’s relationship with G-d is akin to the relationships we have with other people in our lives. Just like human relationships, our relationship with G-d can be threatened when we have unmet expectations or feel abandoned in our time of need.

However, if you can address the obstacles that interfere with your faith and heal this relationship, you can allow G-d’s love to touch and heal you. This, in turn, can make it easier for you to like and love yourself. As a psychotherapist, I consider myself a relationship specialist, not a religious figure. My strong faith in G-d allows me to help others reconcile their differences with G-d using my skills and beliefs.

It’s important to note that I am not affiliated with any religion, and I view religion as merely the language one chooses to speak when communicating with G-d. My role is solely to assist in reconciling the relationship if that is what the client desires. Once the relationship is restored, it is up to the client and G-d, as they understand Him, to take it from there.

In summary, I do not intend to push any religious beliefs or practices onto my clients. Instead, I aim to nurture and facilitate the relationship they may already have with G-d, just like any other human relationship.

“Prayer is not an old woman’s idle amusement. Properly understood and applied, it is the most potent instrument of action.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948), Indian political, spiritual leader. Non-Violence in Peace and War, vol. 2, ch. 77 (1948).


The Perils of Dating a Narcissistic Victim

An article written by Barry Herbach, LCSW

 “A narcissist is very flattering, very seductive. They would make you feel as though their world is very special and if they allow you into it, you’ll be very special, too. They fulfill our fantasies,” she said.

We all want to believe we’re going to find this special connection, this special person. When a total stranger, usually attractive, comes along and says, you’re it, the one I’ve been looking for all my life,’ even though you have some reservations it’s easy to say this is what I’ve been looking for and you go for it.”

Narcissists, she said, often have elaborate and rehearsed presentations about their life.

 If your boundaries aren’t clear, you’re not sure of your center, it’s easy to become involved with a person who seems to have absolute certainty of who they are,” she said.”

Rocky Mountain News (Denver, CO)  Wolf, Mark April 16, 2005

Many people I work with get involved with what I call “a narcissist victim.” You may be thinking how can a narcissist not think very highly of themselves? Well, it’s possible, but with a twist. First, most narcissists are extremely seductive as the quote states. What the victim does is make you feel like the special one who is the answer to all their needs. They build you up, they have open communication to the point it’s downright annoying. Because you are so special, you feel that they will never leave you and they really care. Women tend to get seduced more often than men by this type. I mean why wouldn’t someone want someone who worships her, is sensitive and loves to communicate. It’s a dream that can soon turn into a nightmare.

The following is an overview of a narcissist:

“1. All about me: It’s a character disorder in which a person tends to: have an inflated sense of self-importance; be preoccupied with thoughts of his or her great success, power, brilliance or beauty; believe that he or she is special, unique or better than everyone else; desire, expect or demand excessive admiration from others; have a sense of entitlement; exploit and take advantage of others; lack empathy and emotional connection to others; and be arrogant and act superior.

 2. Deep down: People with narcissistic personalities, in spite of their thoughts and behaviors, unconscious. They do not have ideas of great success, power, brilliance or beauty, but they can have all the resly feel inferior and inadequate. “

The Miami Herald. “5 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER”, The Record (Bergen County, NJ), April 10, 2008

The “it’s all about you” is the sneaky part with these people. Remember it’s all about them, not you. So, as they get to know you and the fantasy goes away, they get angry. You are no longer feeding their inflated sense of self-importance. So now they remember every imagined slight. They are always telling you how you are not good enough at taking care of them. They are the victim, “you disappointed them”, “and you did not treat them with enough sensitivity”. They will always want to have talks and have open communication. If you listen carefully when you are in these discussions, you will realize all they are doing is telling how you weren’t good enough, because you didn’t make them feel good enough.

These talks can always seem to end with how it was your entire fault. You start to walk on eggshells because you don’t want to hurt or offend them. Or you just may not want to have another talk. Sometimes you will begin to feel ungrateful and make up in your head how they are still caring. In the end though the bottom line is this: they have gotten you to take care of them, while making you feel that they have taken care of you.

These slights and arguments are about how their narcissistic needs are not being met. If you are finding yourself defending a lot of behavior to a supersensitive mate who is angry for things that you don’t even know you did or even, make sense to you. Watch out, get out now.

This usually ends in one of two ways: You will get burnt out and afterwards, get out with a lot of drama. Or believe it or not they dump you, and never talk to you again. Suddenly you feel like you never existed to them. You will be asking yourself, “What happened?” The answer is simple. They realized that you will never fill their needs (no one can) and they moved on to a new sucker. They don’t acknowledge you because it was never about you, so now it’s the new love of their life. Or their new sucker.


Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster of Coping with Pet Loss


Having recently losing lost my 14 year old cat, I found myself experiencing grief in a way that had its own personality. A friend of mine who recently lost his dog told me “grief is a bully”. This was the fourth time I had to say goodbye to a feline friend and it is still something I can hardly bare. Losing a pet can be a profound loss, and as a therapist who has experienced it firsthand, I wanted to share my thoughts on this topic and offer some guidance for those who may be going through a similar experience.

Our pets are often more than just animals. They are our companions, confidants, and members of the family. They offer us love, support, and a sense of purpose, and their loss can leave a significant hole in our lives. When my cat passed away, I felt a deep sense of sadness and emptiness. I had once again lost a friend who had been with me through many of life’s events, and it was difficult to imagine life without her.

One of the most challenging aspects of pet loss is the feeling of isolation that can come with it. Many people do not understand the depth of emotion that can accompany the loss of a pet, and it can be hard to find support from others who do not share our experiences. As a therapist, I understand the importance of having a safe space to process grief and loss. I encourage anyone who has lost a pet to seek out support from friends, family, or a therapist who can offer empathy and understanding.

When grieving the loss of a pet, it is essential to remember that there is no “right” way to grieve. Everyone experiences grief differently, and there is no timeline for when you should start to feel better. It is essential to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up and to give yourself time to process the loss. Please do not feel shame if you feel intense grief.  All it means is, you honored your friend and you are caring person who can feel and appreciate love.

One of the most helpful things I did in my own grief process was to create a ritual to honor my cat’s memory. When I got  her ashes back in an urn and I placed her favorite toy next to it. For others it can be something as simple as lighting a candle or creating a small altar with pictures and mementos. Creating a ritual can provide a sense of closure and help us to honor the bond we shared with our pets.

Self-care is also crucial during the grieving process. Grief can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and it is essential to take care of ourselves during this difficult time. This may mean taking time off work, engaging in self-care activities like exercise or meditation, or seeking support from loved ones.

As a therapist, I often work with clients to help them navigate the stages of grief. The stages of grief, as outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While not everyone will experience all of these stages or in the same order, they can provide a framework for understanding the emotions that come with grief.

In the case of pet loss, it is common for people to experience feelings of guilt or regret. We may wonder if we did enough for our pets or if we missed signs that they were in pain or getting sick. It is important to remember that these feelings are normal and to be gentle with ourselves. Guilt sometimes is a way of trying to control a situation where we feel powerless. If it’s our fault we don’t have to feel powerless. It can be helpful to focus on the positive memories we shared with our pets and to remind ourselves that we did the best we could.

When a pet is no longer with us, it can be difficult to adjust to the changes in our daily lives. For example, we may miss the routine of feeding our pets or taking them for walks. It can be helpful to create new routines or to find ways to honor our pets’ memory in our daily lives. For example, we may volunteer at an animal shelter or make a donation in our pet’s name to a local animal rescue.

People who have not experienced the loss of a pet may not understand the depth of grief we are experiencing. They may offer well-intentioned but dismissive comments like “it was just a pet” or “you can always get another one.” It is important to remember that the grief we feel is valid and that our pets were much more than just animals to us. It can be helpful to seek out support from others who understand our experience, such as a pet loss support group or online community.

It is also important to remember that grief does not necessarily end with acceptance. While we may eventually come to accept the loss of our pet, the memory of them will always be a part of our lives. It is common to experience waves of grief even years after our pets have passed away, particularly during anniversaries or special occasions. This is normal and does not mean that we have not processed our grief effectively.

In some cases, the grief we experience after losing a pet may be complicated by other factors, such as trauma or unresolved grief from previous losses. In these cases, it can be helpful to seek out professional support from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. EMDR a form of trauma therapy, can also help in dealing with complicated grief.

Again, it is important to remember that the grief we experience after losing a pet is a reflection of the deep love and connection we shared with them. Our pets bring so much joy and meaning to our lives, and their loss can be devastating. With time, support, and self-care, it is possible to find a sense of peace and healing after the loss of a beloved pet.

Is Your Girlfriend Struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder?

Beautiful woman with a sledgehammer breaks the huge heart into splinters and upset man falls on his knees. (Used clipping mask)

Dating a Woman with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Women who suffer from BPD (borderline personality disorder) can profoundly affect the quality of their significant others’ lives. One minute, everything is fine, and the next, you feel as if you are walking on eggshells. You never know how she will react to a situation or to you; will it be with love or anger? Being with her can make you feel helpless and unable to cope. At times, you may want to end it, but simultaneously, you may feel addicted to her. Usually, the relationship is an intense one.

It is estimated that more than six million people in the U.S. have borderline personality disorder, and these individuals greatly impact the lives of at least 30 million others. There is some controversy regarding how many women might have BPD compared to men. Older studies suggest a 75/25 ratio, while newer studies indicate a 53/47 split. The ratio of my caseload is about 75/25, which is why I am writing this article.

What is borderline personality disorder  (BPD)?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that affects an individual’s thoughts and emotions towards themselves and others, leading to difficulties in daily life. It is characterized by unstable and intense relationships, distorted self-perception, extreme emotions, and impulsive behaviors.

Individuals with BPD typically experience a strong fear of abandonment or instability, and they may find it challenging to be alone. However, their inappropriate anger, impulsive actions, and frequent mood swings can make it difficult for them to maintain meaningful and lasting relationships, despite their desire to do so.

The reason men often find themselves trapped in relationships with women who have borderline personality disorder is due to their ability to make their partners feel special and alive. Their intensity can be infectious, almost like a drug. At the beginning, you may want to be with her all the time, possibly even considering her your soulmate after a very short amount of time. Many times, the sexual chemistry is overwhelming. These women may also make you feel sorry for them, leading you to believe that only you can save them. Then, they might suddenly pull the rug out from under you.

You may feel on top of the world, having met the love of your life, only for her to abruptly push you away. When she pulls away, you may experience a painful withdrawal and yearn to have her back in your life. Then, just as suddenly, she comes back, and you feel like you are with that incredible person again. Unfortunately, the cycle usually starts all over again. This pattern can negatively impact your self-esteem, and you may find yourself obsessing about her constantly.

Here are some red flags that your girlfriend may have BPD (borderline personality Disorder.)

  • Dоеѕ she immediately ореn up tо you about abuse in her раѕt?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе trаѕh her еx-bоуfriеnd or ex-husband even bеfоrе уоu hardly get tоknow her? Dоеѕ ѕhе ѕееm tо go on and on аbоut her еx and how he ruined her life?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе have an intense bad relationship with her parents? Especially with her mother.
  • Is she always ѕауing bad things аbоut her раrеntѕ tо you? Does she blame her parents for all of her problems?
  • Does she seem to want tо move the rеlаtiоnѕhiр forward at a very quick pace? Maybe showing an intеrеѕt in moving in with you very early in the relationship?
  • Has she suffered or is currently suffering from an eating disorder?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе have temper tantrums in front of уоu and others?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе start horrible уеlling fights with уоu and when you try tо lеаvе she bеgѕ for уоu tо stay?
  • Has she bought you extravagant gifts early in the relationship?
  • Is she willing tо еxрlоrе risky ѕеxuаl behaviors?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе аbuѕе drugs or аlсоhоl?
  • Does ѕhе ѕееm very quick to fall in love with уоu and almost view уоu аѕ her knight in shining аrmоr?
  • Does she have a difficult time being friends with оthеr women?
  • Does she have a lot of associates she calls friends?
  • Is she always busy?
  • Dоеѕ it lооk like a lot of bad things kеер hарреning tо her? Thrown out by her boyfriend, trouble with finаnсеѕ, trouble maintaining a job, еtс?
  • Dоеѕ ѕhе ѕееm to have very compelling excuses and rеаѕоning that explains why these bad things have happened tо her (example, her еx-bоуfriеnd made her run up her сrеdit саrd debts, and that’s why her credit is bad)

If she has one or even two of these traits, it’s probably alright. But if its more than that, it is probably something to look into.

You also may want to check out another list from Boomerang Love

How to Cope with the Woman with BPD

Dating a woman with borderline personality disorder is exhausting and соnfuѕing. This is because they lасk a ѕеnѕе of who thеу are. One minute she might think of hеrѕеlf as a rеаl реrѕоn and the next minute think of herself аѕ evil and flawed. Thoughts аbоut other реорlе fluctuate rарidlу, as well. She might want to trust others, but at the ѕаmе time, she dоеѕn’t think other реорlе are trustworthy. All of this confusion саn lеаvе her fееling empty, sad, and hollow inside.

The best way to cope is to try to understand what BPD is and how it is affecting you. Learn as much as you can about BPD, its symptoms, and what a sufferer of BPD goes through. Most importantly, take care of yourself first and do not take it personally. A qualified therapist can help you understand what is going on. They can also help you see if you can set boundaries and reduce the drama. A good therapist should be able to give you some strategies on how to try to change the dynamic of the relationship. Remember, you can only do so much since she has to work with you. If it appears it is not changing, do some deep soul searching and ask yourself, “Will I ever get what I need out of this relationship?”

As you can see, there is no winning with someone with BPD. It will always be an intense push-pull. One day you may feel you have it figured out, and the next day you are back where you started from. Will the drama ever stop? Unfortunately, many times these relationships cannot be salvaged.

Usually, these relationships will end in one of two ways. The most common is that she will just cut you off. Suddenly, she won’t talk to you; it’s as if the relationship never happened, almost as if you never existed. She may block your phone and make you feel like a bad person just because you want closure. Other times, if you try to end it, they will not let go and create drama. Sometimes they may even stalk you. Usually, it is not an easy ending.

Why People Care More About Pets Than Other Humans

We love our pets. Two thirds of Americans live with an animal, and according to a 2011 Harris poll, 90 percent of pet owners think of their dogs and cats as members of the family. These relationships have benefits. For example, in a survey by the American Animal Hospital Association, 40 percent of married female dog owners reported they received more emotional support from their pet than from their husband or their kids. The pet products industry calls this “the humanization of pets.” One of my colleagues recently spent $12,000 on cancer treatments for her best friend Asha, a Labrador retriever.


Understanding Hyperfocus in ADHD

From PsycCentral By Helen Nieves

A symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is the inability to focus at a task for a long period of time. Being distracted is also another common symptom of ADHD, where the individual finds difficulty in maintaining attention to a specific task.

However, when I work with children diagnosed with ADHD, I often hear the parents tell me that their child can play video games for hours and get immersed in the game without anyone breaking their attention. But when it comes to completing their homework, it takes them forever to complete one simple assignment.

Although many parents are aware of the symptoms of ADHD, they sometimes overlook a less common symptom, which is the child’s ability to absorb themselves and have an intense focus and concentration in tasks that are stimulating. This is called hyperfocus.

“ADHD is not necessarily a deficit of attention, but rather a problem with regulating one’s attention span,” wrote Eloise Porter in ADHD and Hyperfocus (www.healthline.com, 2012). Individuals who have ADHD find it difficult to focus on activities that are not stimulating or that are boring, but can spend hours focusing and concentrating on playing video games, sports, or activities that interest them.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Hyperfocus

Hyperfocus can have its advantages and disadvantages. I often explain to parents that being in a hyperfocused state can have its pros and cons. If not used properly, hyperfocus can lead to failure to take care of other commitments. Children may hyperfocus on unproductive tasks which can lead to setbacks and failure in school.

Usually, people go into a hyperfocused state when a stressful situation arises. This can happen when a child needs to prepare for a test or to write a paper. It is important for parents to realize and be aware when their child becomes hyperfocused in order to prevent this state from happening, and to use relaxation techniques to help them de-stress and help them set and finish their goals.

On the flip side, if used effectively, hyperfocus can be an advantage, such as when individuals set their mind on a goal they want to achieve and work until it is attained. I often tell parents about famous actors and artists diagnosed with ADHD, including Adam Levine, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Edison, and Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, who directed their hyperfocus toward their craft which allowed them to perfect their talent. Besides, if it wasn’t for the ability of many scientists, writers, and artists diagnosed with ADHD to focus on what they’re doing for hours, we wouldn’t have some of technologies today.

How to Cope with Hyperfocus

Parents tell me that it is difficult to get their child out of a hyperfocused state. It takes a lot of awareness and forcing a child to get “unstuck.” Most children, however, are not aware of when they go into this state, and most will not rationalize or stop to de-stress themselves in order to break the pattern.

Here are some suggestions I tell parents to help their child cope with hyperfocus and to set their mind on a goal:

  1. Create a schedule for activities that you know your child will tend to hyperfocus on. If your child hyperfocuses while watching television or playing video games, do not allow them to engage in this activity before homework. Restrict time spent watching television or playing video games if you know your child will “zone” you and the world out.
  2. Help your child find activities that are built on social interaction and remove them from isolated time. If a child is isolated, they are more prone to find activities that they will hyperfocus on.
  3. Try using a signal to refocus their attention. Tapping them on the shoulder or using a bell can help to refocus their attention. Unless something or someone interrupts the child, hours can drift by.
  4. Use timers and alarms so your child is cognizant of how much time has passed since they started the activity.
  5. Help set breaks in between activities that your child may hyperfocus on. Set milestones on activities and have your child stop each time he reaches one. For example, if a child is playing a video game and wins a level, ask your child to stop the game and help you with a productive activity.
  6. Turn off the television or computer to get your child’s attention.
  7. Find ways to make your child’s homework more stimulating. If your child does not want to complete an assignment or study for a test, make it fun. Instead of memorizing information for a science test, have the child draw the information they need to learn, use hands on activities to convey the information that they need for the test, or make a game out of it.
  8. Use activities that your child enjoys as rewards for the tasks he does not find enjoyable. For example, if your child likes to draw, have him do five English questions, and then spend five minutes drawing (make sure you set a timer), and then do another five questions.
  9. If you see your child is stressing out, do some fun relaxation techniques to help them de-stress.

Hyperfocus can be a gift if used constructively on things we want our kids to focus on, such as schoolwork. Managing hyperfocus is important in managing ADHD, and learning the right tools and techniques to help them move in a positive direction is key.



Break Bad Habits by Changing Your Environment

By Thorin Klosowski From Life Hacker

We know that different types of triggers can cause us to fall back into certain habits, but actually doing something about that is harder than it seems. Over on NPR, a handful of psychologists explain how altering a physical place can help you break bad habits.

Over time, we integrate our habits into our environment and the environment itself becomes a trigger. The trigger itself isn’t always obvious either, sometimes it’s nothing more than a door:

“For a smoker, the view of the entrance to their office building — which is a place that they go to smoke all the time — becomes a powerful mental cue to go and perform that behavior,” Neal says.

Over time those cues become so deeply ingrained that they are very hard to resist. And so we smoke at the entrance to work when we don’t want to. We sit on the couch and eat ice cream when we don’t need to, despite our best intentions, despite our resolutions…

To battle bad behaviors then, one answer is to disrupt the environment in some way. Even small changes can help — like eating the ice cream with your nondominant hand. What this does is disrupt the learned body sequence that’s driving the behavior, which allows your conscious mind to come back online and reassert control.

Of course, adapting to your triggers is going to be different, but if you’re struggling to get into a good habit (or break a bad one), look around and see if you can do things a little differently.

What Heroin Addiction Tells Us About Changing Bad Habits | NPR